Rated G - Content is appropriate for all audiences

All episodes of Absorbent Days are rated G, meaning that the content of its episodes are appropriate for all user audiences and contain suitable plots, transcript, and overall features.

Series Absorbent Days
Season 3
Episode 5a
Airdate February 7, 2016
Written by MrScience12
Previous Episode Ghastly Bottom
Next Episode TBA

Tailgate is the forty-seventh episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the seventh episode of season two. In this episode, the gang are throwing a tailgate party for the SuperClam football game over the weekend. However, the Manta Rays are put out of action due to an accident prior to the game. Can the gang save the game and continue their tailgate?


  • Patrick Star
  • SpongeBob SquarePants
  • Eugene Krabs
  • Squidward Tentacles
  • Sheldon Plankton
  • Karen Plankton
  • Sandy Cheeks
  • Guard
  • Commentators
    • Commentator I
    • Commentator II
  • Manta Ray members
  • Fish (cameo)


  • (the episode begins with a medium shot of Patrick, racing down a street, looking upward and behind him)
  • 30px Patrick: (breathing) Still...going...long. Still...going...real long.
  • (Patrick continues running until he collides with a rock in his path; he lands on his back)
  • 30px Patrick: Oof! (begins laughing) Wait, what was I doing? (points up at black projectile) Ooh, a shooting star. I wish...I...uh...
  • (The projectile falls onto Patrick's face, revealing it to be a football)
  • 30px Patrick: Oof! (grabs ball) Oh, that's right! It's a...fuh...foot...uh...
  • 30px SpongeBob: (heard offscreen) Nice catch, Patrick! Now bring it back!
  • 30px Patrick: Huh? (stands up and turns around, revealing SpongeBob in the distance) Okay, buddy! Go long! (launches the football extremely quickly toward SpongeBob)
  • 30px SpongeBob: (quickly) That might be a little... (the ball launches SpongeBob backward, sending him to the front doors of the Krusty Krab)
  • (Mr. Krabs enters the scene)
  • Mr. Krabs: (standing over SpongeBob) Get the lead out of your pants, boy. (picks SpongeBob up onto feet) You're gonna miss the game if you lay there all afternoon.
  • 30px Patrick: (rushes into scene) Tackle! (bursts through the Krusty Krabs doors through Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob) Oof!
  • 30px SpongeBob: (blows whistle) Pass incomplete!
  • Mr. Krabs: Alrighty, you two! Enough roughhousin'! If this keeps up, there will be no Krusty Krab to throw the tailgate.
  • 30px SpongeBob: Tailgate? What's a tailgate?
  • 30px Patrick: (stands up) Psh! Well, duh, SpongeBob. It's what I always do when I wanna get through traffic.
  • 30px SpongeBob: But, Patrick, you don't drive.
  • 30px Patrick: Exactly!
  • (Mr. Krabs sets up lawn chairs and brings a television monitor into the dining room)
  • Mr. Krabs: A tailgate is a party one throws before a big game. In this case, it's the fiftieth big game...or so. I can't quite remember.
  • 30px SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, you've never allowed anyone to view sports in the Krusty Krab.
  • Squidward: (enters scene) Psh. Only because he's a cheapskate.
  • 30px SpongeBob: Oh, that's not true, Squidward.
  • Mr. Krabs: No, he's right, SpongeBob. But this year is different, because this year, the SuperClam has agreed... (whispers) against their allow the Krusty Krab as the only sponsor! I'll make a fortune!
  • Plankton: (offscreen) Yeah, yeah, yeah. (camera cuts to Plankton, on top of Karen) Krabs makes yet another fortune in the food industry. C'mon, when does the tailgate party start?
  • Mr. Krabs: Calm down, Plankton. The game will start in half an hour.
  • 30px Patrick: Half an hour? That's like...a whole year! What are we gonna do until then?
  • 30px SpongeBob: I have an idea. (places finger on Patrick's shoulder) Tag! You're it! (zips away from Patrick)
  • 30px Patrick: Ha ha, I'm it! I'm it! (chases SpongeBob around the Krusty Krab)
  • (the two destroy most of the furniture through jumping and crashing through the tables, destroying the register boat, and wrecking the kitchen; eventually, Sandy enters the double doors, dressed in sportwear for the party)
  • Sandy: Am I late to the party?
  • (SpongeBob and Patrick crash into Sandy)
  • Sandy: (lifts the two off of them) What in the wild world of Texas?! What is going on here?
  • Karen: We're waiting for the SuperClam to start. It's gonna be another half an hour.
  • Sandy: Darnit! And I tried so hard to be fashionably late.
  • 30px SpongeBob: Well, look on the bright side, Sandy. That's half an hour we can all spend having the most fun ever!
  • Mr. Krabs: I don't think so. I can't afford you two breaking up the entire Krusty Krab with your game of tag.
  • 30px Patrick: How about half the Krusty Krab?
  • Mr. Krabs: No! If you wanna play "tag", then go outside.
  • (the camera cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick, laying down exhausted outside of the Krusty Krab)
  • 30px SpongeBob: Ugh. Too...much...tag.
  • 30px Patrick: Agreed. (takes out football) Let's play fuh...foot...fuh...
  • 30px SpongeBob: Eh, I'm not sure I can play football, Patrick.
  • 30px Patrick: Okay, but you're playing with me next season.
  • 30px SpongeBob: Speaking of "playing", do you think the game has started yet?
  • (the two enter the Krusty Krab, seeing disappointed faces on the remaining gang)
  • 30px SpongeBob: What happened?
  • Plankton: The game got cancelled! All of the Bikini Bottom Manta Rays are trapped under a random blimp that crashed in center field.
  • Mr. Krabs: Not only that, but my sponsorship deal is down the drain! (begins sobbing)
  • Squidward: And to think, I came to work on a weekend...for this.
  • Sandy: Is that the can-do attitude, y'all? I am prepared to say that we've all given up on this tailgate, huh?
  • Karen: Pretty much.
  • Squidward: (walking toward doors) Already out the door.
  • Mr. Krabs: What's the point?
  • 30px SpongeBob: C'mon, guys. Sandy's right! Let's go! We're gonna go save the game!
  • (the scene cuts to the "Salmon Stadium"; a large blimp can be seen in the center field; the gang can be seen walking toward the entrance gate)
  • Guard: Whoa, whoa! No entry while the field is being cleared.
  • 30px SpongeBob: But if we can't save the game, the tailgate party is doomed!
  • 30px Patrick: Yeah! The snacks won't last much longer. (pulls out bag of chips and places into mouth) Hehe. Chewy bits.
  • Guard: Sorry, guys. No can do.
  • Mr. Krabs: Well, there goes the riches. I mean...the game.
  • Sandy: Not as such. (whispers to SpongeBob and Patrick)
  • 30px SpongeBob: Well, if you say so. (takes out football) Go long, Patrick!
  • 30px Patrick: Oh, yeah! (dashes out of scene)
  • (SpongeBob throws the football, and Patrick bursts through the guard and stadium gates; he heads toward center field, in the direction of the blimp; the camera reveals the adjudicator box, where the commentators are present)
  • Commentator I: What is this? A pink replacement for the Manta Rays?
  • Commentator II: Whatever this player is doing on the field, he is headed straight for the blimp, which earlier took out the Manta Rays.
  • (Patrick runs head first into the blimp; his pointy head pops the blimp, which causes it to propel itself out of the stadium)
  • Commentator I: No way! It appears this MVP of the game has just freed the Manta Rays!
  • Commentator II: The game is back on! The game is back on!
  • (The Manta Rays lift Patrick into the air on their shoulders)
  • Manta Rays: Three cheers for the pink MVP! Hip hip, hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip...
  • (scene cuts to outside the stadium, where Mr. Krabs is cheering in a hill of cash)
  • Mr. Krabs: ...Hooray, money! Sweet mula. Me sponsorship is saved!
  • Plankton: And we have the best seats in the house. Well, outside of the house.
  • 30px SpongeBob: And best of all, we still have the tailgate party!
  • 30px Patrick: (offscreen) You're tellin' me! (camera cuts to Patrick, standing on the rear of a boat in the road) I'm stuck in traffic again! C'mon, buddy. Move along!
  • Fish: Get off my boat!
  • (episode ends)

Absorbent Days Season Three Episodes
Blind AppetitStarving ArtistThe Heroic BarnaclesGlum ChumCareer CrisisGhastly BottomTailgate

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